Coping
You are not alone in your feelings.
In our culture, we aren’t always taught how to stay present and tolerate uncomfortable feelings that may arise when dealing with difficult situations and topics. If this is new for you, we affirm and acknowledge how courageous you are to get out of your comfort zone.
When feelings of stress, fear or sadness arise, there are things you can do to help soothe yourself and feel more safe, secure and at ease. We call these coping resources, and they include:
Breathing:
Take a moment to switch your focus from your emotions to something simple – like your breathing. Allow yourself to take some slow, deep breaths. This technique helps with almost every trauma response or symptom you may be having. Deep breathing disrupts the dump of trauma chemicals into your body. It can help you feel more relaxed and focus on the present moment. Deep breathing does not always feel comfortable when you first start doing it. Give yourself permission to practice it periodically, until you feel more comfortable. As with any new skill, practice improves how we feel doing it.
This exercise is called square breathing. Its purpose is to notice and slow the breath. Changes to breathing can be both a sign and a cause of anxiety. Certain types of breathing can also help reduce anxiety. Taking fuller, deeper breaths with longer exhales can help keep our bodies in a calmer state and ensure our bodies are inhaling and exhaling enough of what we need to feel balanced and safe.
Envision the four sides of a square corresponding to four parts of a breath: inhale, hold, exhale, and rest. You can do each of those for a count of four.
Inhale. Hold. Exhale. Rest.
Take a moment to check-in with yourself. How do you feel? Has your comfort improved?
In this exercise, you use your hands to ensure you are taking full deep breaths rather than shallow chest breathing, which can exacerbate distress. Stand or sit up straight with your feet solidly on the floor and allow yourself to relax any muscles that you notice are tight.
Place your thumbs and forefingers in a diamond shape around your belly button on top of your clothes with your thumbs pointing toward the upper part of your body. Take a full deep breath in through your nose until you notice your belly is expanding where your hands are placed. Hold briefly and exhale through your mouth. Pause briefly and repeat.
After you get the breath part down, if you are able, think about inhaling calm as you inhale and exhaling stress or fear, or any other negative, overwhelming emotion as you take deep breaths and exhale. Pay attention to changes in how you are feeling.
Movement:
Getting up and moving your body can also help lessen stress chemicals and help you focus on what your body is doing in the here and now.
You might decide to clench your fists, feeling tension and exaggerating the grip, then release. Do this as many times as needed. Stomp your feet on the floor. Bend your knees while placing your hands on your sides. Raise your hands in the air and wave them back and forth. Sway from side to side. Raise and lower each of your feet. Feel that your body has strength and motion. Knowing that you are in control of your body’s movements helps you regain a sense of presence.
You can “shake out” stress and tension in the moment if you need to bring yourself some immediate relief. This skill comes from animal research that found that animals are exposed to much more physical trauma than most humans but suffer far less long-term effects. They have literally learned how to shake it out. By shaking vigorously, they have learned to signal their brains that the trauma is over and stop the release of stress chemicals in the body. Think of a dog jumping to catch a ball or a frisbee and missing it. After they fall, when they get up, the first thing they do is shake all over. If you are feeling distressed, try shaking your body all over for a few seconds. It can help you re-set to a less distressed place.
Staying Grounded:
If you tend to “space out” (dissociate) to mentally and emotionally remove yourself from a tough situation, consider trying to stay in touch with the real world by deliberately noticing what you can see/hear/touch/feel wherever you are.
Feel your feet on the floor and the seat beneath you
Remind yourself of the concrete facts around you like time of day or location. See the color and texture of your surroundings, like the floor, walls or other items
Repeat: “I am an adult now. I am in a safe place now. If I need to cry, it is okay. No one will shame me. It is a sign of strength to accept one’s own, and others’, vulnerability.”
Note: Only ground in your current environment if you are in a safe place. If you are not in a safe place, reach out for crisis support.
Calming Images:
If you find yourself needing to center emotionally, it may be helpful to focus on one of the peaceful images on the following pages.
Taking deep breaths can be really helpful, and taking deep breaths while using a mantra, like “I’m okay,” “I’m strong,” “This will pass,” “I can do this,” can make the deep breaths significantly more effective.
It can also be helpful to remind yourself of those who support you when you have good support. Keeping pictures of people you trust and respect nearby that you can look at when you are upset can trigger a release of oxytocin in the brain in the same way spending time with them might. Oxytocin can be incredibly helpful, as it is a natural antidote to some of the stress chemicals associated with trauma.
Keep breathing and reassure yourself that you are in a safe space, and you can ask for support if you need it.
Crisis Support
If these techniques do not work to calm your nervous system within a few moments, you may need greater support. It’s okay to ask for that.
If you are in danger or in need of medical attention, please call 911.
24/7 Crisis Support Lines
RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline 800-656-4673
National Domestic Violence Hotline. 800-799-7233
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. 800-273-8255
For non-crisis support 9-5 pm MT Mon-Fri, you can contact Wings at 1-888-505-HEAL (4325)