Bryce's Story

What activities or projects are you currently involved in, both in your personal life and in your work?

I’m currently actively engaged in my own healing and growth through professional coaching and advancement, personal therapy, and weekly Wings meetings. My other projects involve caring for my two wonderful daughters and supporting all of their ventures.

Who are you as a person?

I’m a thoughtful, kind, caring, and loving person. A recovering people pleaser that constantly fights perfectionism and finding my own worth. I’m learning to respect myself and hold boundaries that keep me safe and sustained. I’m easy going and laid back yet passionate and dedicated to my virtues. I am patient, listening, and use my strengths to help others instead of putting them down. I’m non-competitive and look for ways for everyone to win. I am dedicated to helping others while loving myself.

What values and causes are important to you?

I value integrity, kindness, patience, acceptance, understanding, mutual respect, non-violence, equal rights, and accountability. My work is centered around helping people affected by traumatic brain injury and spinal cord injury by providing caring service and comforting food. Food truly connects us and has been my passion since childhood. I also care deeply about respecting life and caring for other living beings that have been hurt or mistreated, an advocate for the Wild Animal Sanctuary and Wings.

How do you hope your story will impact others, and what do you want to achieve by being a part of this narrative?

I’m hoping that my story will give others hope, inspiration, and confidence that healing is possible and that they’re not alone. I don’t know if I have anything specific I want to achieve, but I know that sharing stories connects us and simply by putting my story out there, there’s the chance that it will help someone, or at least help them feel understood.

I was told about Wings from my therapist. My very first impression was going to the website and reading about who the mission serves, and it was like a checklist for everything that was relevant to me. I remember reading each point and saying yes, yes, yes, yes… I knew that this would be beneficial for me.

What stood out to you?

The phrase “You’re not alone”. That still stands out to me and perfectly describes the most profound takeaway I’ve been given through Wings.

How would you describe the experience of intake, and did anything surprise you during that process?

The experience of going through the process to become a Wings group member was that of feeling heard, understood, and respected. I felt very valued, and they were so sensitive to my feelings and seemed to know how hard it was for me.

I’ve been in a group that meets weekly for the last two years. I am still active and still learning and growing.

Having the opportunity to get to know other men who have had similar experiences. I spent the majority of my life terrified of people finding out. I was so ashamed and felt completely emasculated by what happened to me. Knowing that I was not alone opened so many doors that I never knew existed.

Doing Speak Out! especially catapulted my healing and personal growth in an incredibly profound way. After doing my speech, I can honestly say that I am in no way ashamed of what happened to me, and I could honestly care less about who knows. I found so much courage, strength, and confidence within myself.

That it’s an incredible organization and I am so fortunate to have found it. I had no idea how much repressed feelings and emotions I had that were tied up in the shame of what happened to me. I can’t give them all the credit because I’ve done a ton of work, but they have been so, so supportive and have shown me doors that I never knew existed.

I had been working on my healing with my group for about a year and a half, so when the opportunity came to do Speak Out!, I knew that would move me in a new direction. It was daunting and I knew would be incredibly uncomfortable, so I knew that meant it was an opportunity for profound growth. By the way, it was such a supportive process with a wonderful group of people and facilitators, so it turned out to not be as scary as I thought.

What was that process like for you?

I jumped in and applied without giving it too much thought, because I knew there was a chance I would think myself out of it. After signing up, I took it one day at a time, committed to the work, and before I knew it I was prepared.

How did it feel to have loved ones in the audience?

Incredible and scary. It brought so much emotion out of me. What an amazing emotional release it was. My 17-year-old daughter was there, and it was so special for both of us to share that experience together. It helped strengthen our relationship and understanding of one another. Almost my entire group showed up as well and I can honestly say I don’t think I’ve ever felt more supported by so many people in my entire life.

Speak Out! to me meant that I was doing something courageous for my growth. I stood up for myself and shouted to the world that I matter. It was an incredibly validating feeling. It also meant sharing my story for someone else who may be able to connect, and if that gives someone else even an extra ounce of awareness, encouragement, or support, then I know I was doing the right thing.

What were your favorite aspects of the journey?

I loved the dress rehearsal. It was the first time meeting the group in person and we were all so intimately connected that it was like seeing a long lost relative for the first time in years. It was a special, emotional, and memorable evening.

How would you describe the experience to someone who is on the fence about participating in Speak Out!?

I would say that there is so much more on the other side. It can really open a door that I don’t think many people would know exists. It is hard and scary, but also so supportive and profound. It’s one of the best things I’ve done for myself in my life.

That I matter. I am deserving of respect. I am not a product of what happened to me. I get to decide how I move forward and heal, and those parts of me, the shame, humiliation, and self-loathing, do not have to stay a part of my story. They are scars, no doubt, but they do not define ME.

Connecting with others who have been through similar things. Seeing how you think, how you feel, and how you act through others is profound. The Wings book really helps guide meaningful conversations, and that’s where so much of my healing has taken place, is in the conversations in between.

Overcoming alcohol. Alcohol is a beast, an absolute demon. I went back and forth with quitting, but it was really going to a therapist and asking for help that gave me the motivation to commit. I’ve been sober for nearly 10 years. Anyone going through that, hang in there. I know how incredibly hard that is, and nobody who hasn’t gone through it understands. It’s possible. Take it one day at a time, count the small victories, and give yourself grace.

If you or someone you care about is struggling with drug or alcohol misuse, please visit SAMHSA.

Talk with a therapist. Find someone you like, connect with, and eventually trust. Find somewhere it feels safe to open up and be completely and brutally honest. I felt like I lied to my therapist for a while because of my shame, but once I found the courage to be honest, everything changed.

What would you want them to know before they take that first step?

That healing is possible, and you are absolutely worth it! Every living thing is worthy of respect. Love yourself first and do whatever you need to do to convince yourself that you are worth it and hold onto that for every day of the rest of your life! Kind of embarrassingly so, I listen to the song “Yeah baby I’m worth it”, just to motivate myself. I also listened to Eminem’s “I’m not afraid” a lot while going through Speak Out! for that extra motivation to do something profound for myself.

That something really awful happened to me as a child. Something I could do nothing about, but it is not my fault. I was a victim and the responsibility should fall completely on the perpetrator, but in my circumstance, that’s hardly the case. I’ve had to carry the shame for decades, to the point that it became a large part of my personality. I may be a victim, but I do not have to continue to be. I choose to be a survivor, and use the experiences of my past to fuel my growth instead of keeping me down. There is the possibility for real healing, but it starts from within and from nowhere else. Doing the work with therapy and Wings has given me the opportunity to change and be the person I want to be.

That CSA is so much more common than people think, and it’s not relegated to any specific kind of person. It can be anyone. No one would ever guess what happened to me unless they were extremely astute and pieced together the impulsive behaviors, heavy drinking and drug use at an early age, perfectionism, and people pleasing. Survivors are everywhere and there is nothing they did to deserve it. Nothing. There is absolutely no shame in what happened to survivors as children.

Just like I said, there should be absolutely no shame or judgment to something that happened to them as a child. And for the survivors, you will be amazed at when you open up about this to others, just how kind and supportive people will be. And for the other men, being a survivor of CSA does not define who you are or who you want to be. This is something that happened, but you are still the exact person you are meant to be. Reaching out for support and connecting with others and bringing this shame to the light will help take away so many dark clouds. It is possible to live with this without shame. I promise.